I’m taking a human moment from my regular posts on marketing to share something personal.
My best friend growing up was Joanlie. I had a lot of very good friends, but I truly considered Joanlie one of the best. She was always funny and interesting and just a kind and sweet human being.
Yesterday she lost her husband to COVID-19.
I heard the news via mutual friends and I was floored. Here’s this lovely person with 2 young kids, who has been married 5 years, and she just experienced everyone’s greatest fear during COVID-19: the death of a loved one.
There’s this pit in my stomach about how I feel about that, but what I feel worse about is that I haven’t kept in touch with her the last 7 years. Even though we live in the same city and about 12 minutes away by car, we haven’t been connected.
Then there’s the shame and guilt. I’m ashamed of myself because I pushed her away. She did nothing wrong, but I couldn’t be kind to her.
Her husband, Clinton, was a good man, but his viewpoints were very different than mine. I’m not a religious person, and they are, and one unfortunate conversation about religion set the my mind about him and I didn’t let it go. I didn’t let it go enough to attend their wedding, wish her happy birthdays, or reach out when she had her kids.
I was 25 back then; hot headed, stubborn, and had no clue about the world. They’re not excuses for my behavior, but I’m older now. Looking back at my actions, I can only feel ashamed for my behavior, and guilty that I haven’t been there for her through these past few years.
While I don’t know the exact details, I know through the grapevine that things haven’t been easy. I know that they are living in the Bronx, he worked a job as an advocate, and she was working part time at a church. They have 2 young kids (age 4 and 1) in New York City, which must be difficult financially. But, I know she was happy and that’s what should matter.
Anyway, the reason why I’m writing about this is in part because in moments of guilt, sadness, and frustration, I need to write, but also to remind everyone that:
It’s never too late to be kind.
It’s never too late to own up to your actions, to apologize, and to show a bit of kindness. You may not be forgiven, and you’re going to have to accept that’s a possible outcome.
I’ve grown up in a generation where we’re told we’re special, and that we’re going do big things. We also live in an achievement focused society, where big achievements are celebrated and admired. I read this New York Times OpEd piece in 2015 that really hit me: “The Small, Happy Life.” The author asked writers to submit what their purpose was in life. I think what we find, later in life, is that it isn’t those big things that define us, it’s really just the little things. For me, the best we can do is show kindness in our every day lives – regardless of what the outcomes may be.
All of this hit me hard, and I cannot even fathom what Joanlie and her family feel at this moment. I reached out to Joanlie last night, and this morning donated to her family’s Go Fund Me, and Venmo-ed her a little cash to take care of herself. I don’t expect her to forgive me, but I don’t know what to do beyond be there for her. I just want to put in the effort and be kind in a difficult time.
Regardless, I hope that this gives others the courage to reach out to those they haven’t spoken to in a long time.
Header Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash