No one likes to be interrupted, yet it seems daily that women are getting together to discuss the latest episode of “woman, interrupted.” So why is it that the culture of interruption is so prevalent regardless of where you go?
Yes, of course men can be interrupted – anyone can. But when you think about the majority of interruptions – really think about them – it’s too often women being interrupted – and more often than not, by men. I dislike generalizations, but there are studies dating back to the 1970’s that say exactly that, not to mention the countless stories women everywhere can tell.
It’s insanity to think that we’re in 2019, a time when we’re all supposedly woke and all too cognizant of diversity and inclusion challenges, that we’re still so blatantly blind of our own actions. Below are 4 quick tips on how we can work toward less interruptions, greater productivity with far less hostility and resentment.
4 tips on how to interrupt interruption
Don’t be in denial
No one (and no organization) wants to admit that they are an interruptor. But reality is, we are all interruptors. I know that I am very much guilty of it and I expend a lot of energy trying to not interrupt and still struggle with it. The faster organizations and individuals admit they have a problem – the faster you can address this common institutional issue.
A quick way to really drive home how often this happens is to take notes in a few meetings – noting how many times interruptions happen and who is doing the interrupting. This can be jarring, but worth it if there’s a lack of self awareness.
Everyone needs to be responsible for preventing interruptions – not just women
Making it the responsibility of the woman to “speak up” or stand up for herself doesn’t solve the problem. Not only does that place the burden on the aggrieved party, it doesn’t actually do anything but lopsidedly bandaid a situation. Additionally, it also assumes that women are the ones doing something wrong.
This demonstrates clear bias toward operating in a room “like a man” and only creates a wider gap between men and women. In order to demonstrate inclusive behaviors, everyone has to participate.
Practice active listening (or, take pause)
Active listening is hard work. If you think about conversations that you have with others – are you listening and understanding every word they are saying or are you thinking about what you want to say next.
Most people would likely say the latter. Now, this doesn’t make you a bad person – this is totally common – but you will find that you can have much richer conversations if you practice active listening.
When you practice active listening, it helps curb the barf of what you want to say next – but… what exactly is active listening?
Active listening, like you might guess, means that you are actively listening to the person that is speaking. It means really paying attention to the person as they are talking to you. This is different that the passive hearing that is done in many conversations.
Lifehack, 2019
To truly become a good active listener, you’re going to have to push away the thoughts racing through your mind and focus. Maintaining solid eye contact helps focus. Once there’s an opening to speak (don’t interrupt!) ask clarifying questions or restate your understanding of the idea to indicate that you were paying attention.
If you do this well, you’ll notice that you’ll be less of an interruptor.
Otherwise, if you’re having trouble active listening… just make it a rule to pause for a second and think about what you are about to say before you say it. Ideally, it prevents you from cutting someone off.
Establish how meetings work
Having a ton of structure or process can be rigid, annoying, and cumbersome. However, if you’re facing a cultural breakdown because there’s a culture of interruption, you’re just going to have to buck up and create a meeting structure or process that can solve for those challenges.
Having set agendas that allow a separate time for open forum prevents interruption of a presenter. But don’t forget – open forums could mean whoever is loudest / most outspoken can seize the floor so you may need to build a bit of formality. Some ideas include: assigning someone as a moderator (they should be separate from the party responsible for the meeting), adding a reminder on the whiteboard (visual cues often help more than verbal cues), or even something as silly as utilizing a talking stick (or some other item) – especially if the other things don’t help.
Additionally, not everyone is comfortable speaking live, so people managers or more outspoken team members who are cognizant of their quieter team members – you should chat 1×1 to find the best way to ensure everyone’s voice is heard in the manner in which they want to be heard.
There’s plenty of other things an organization and individuals can do to create positive work (and even personal) environments without interruption, but, again, step 1 is always: admit you have a problem. If you can do that, you’ll be well on your way to being better!
Recommending reading on this triggering issue
- Speaking While Female by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant (January 2015)
- The science behind interrupting: gender, nationality and power, and the roles they play by Teal Burrell (March 2018)
Header Photo by You X Ventures on Unsplash